When a child hits, runs, screams or refuses, it’s natural to feel frustrated. You’re human. But behavior almost always comes from somewhere. Kids aren’t making it up. They’re reacting to something going on inside them.
Behavior is communication when we have no other way to communicate.
What behavior might be saying
Tap a card
Hitting or throwing
“I’m overwhelmed and I don’t have another way to tell you.” Big feelings are coming out through the body because words aren’t available right now.
Running away
“This is too loud, too bright or too much.” Escaping is a way to protect a nervous system that’s already full.
Meltdowns
“My body is past its limit.” A meltdown isn’t a tantrum and it isn’t a choice. It’s what happens when the stress cup overflows.
Saying “no” to everything
“I need to feel safe and in control right now.” For many neurodivergent kids, demands feel like threats, especially when they’re tired or anxious.
Swap “Why are they doing this?” for “What are they telling me?”
Get curious, not furious. Ask yourself:
- What happened right before?
- Are they hungry, tired, sick or overstimulated?
- Was there a transition, a rush or a surprise?
- Am I stressed today? Kids pick up on our energy.
- Do they have a way to say what they need?
A real morning
Dr. Taylor’s own daughter once refused to put her shoes on. They were late, and frustration came fast. Then she got curious. The morning was rushed. Her daughter had been woken up and was tired. Dr. Taylor had a headache and was running on low patience herself. Of course the shoes weren’t happening.
Getting curious didn’t fix the morning instantly. But it changed the question from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What’s going on for you?” Kids can feel that difference, even when they can’t answer.
Calm comes first
Nobody, child or adult, can think clearly, talk or learn when their body is in survival mode. That’s why we help a child feel regulated first, then connected, and only then work on new skills. When kids get other ways to communicate, through words, signs, pictures or a device, the hard behaviors often fade on their own.
And when you get it wrong
You will. Every parent does. What matters most is the repair: “I yelled this morning. I’m sorry. Let’s try again.” Repair teaches your child that relationships can bend without breaking.
This is general information, not medical advice. Every child is different, so check in with a professional who knows your child.
